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FRIENDS OF ELLIS
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
New here? Confused? Wondering whether you missed something?
You probably aren't the first person to ask.
This page covers the questions we hear most often and points you toward the deeper information when a short answer isn't enough.
This page covers the questions we hear most often and points you toward the deeper information when a short answer isn't enough.
PROFILES & MEMBERSHIP
Is creating a Friends of Ellis profile free?
Yes.
Creating and keeping your FoE profile is free. Your profile gives FoE a way to know who is behind the account and gives you an identity within the community.
You can also explore FoE's public education, event information, community resources, consent guidance, and other public content without purchasing a membership.
Create your free FoE profile.
Creating and keeping your FoE profile is free. Your profile gives FoE a way to know who is behind the account and gives you an identity within the community.
You can also explore FoE's public education, event information, community resources, consent guidance, and other public content without purchasing a membership.
Create your free FoE profile.
What's the difference between a FoE profile and FoE Membership?
Your FoE profile is your account and community identity. Creating a profile is free.
An active FoE Membership unlocks the private FoE community, including member profiles, messaging, the Newsfeed, private photo features, Discord, member benefits, and access to purchase tickets for FoE events.
Think of it this way:
Free gets you the knowledge. Membership gets you inside FoE.
An active FoE Membership unlocks the private FoE community, including member profiles, messaging, the Newsfeed, private photo features, Discord, member benefits, and access to purchase tickets for FoE events.
Think of it this way:
Free gets you the knowledge. Membership gets you inside FoE.
Why should I create a FoE profile?
Your profile is part of how FoE understands who is joining the community, and it is also how other members recognize, learn about, and connect with you.
A current, useful profile makes it easier to meet people once you activate your membership and helps people recognize you at events.
Learn how to build a better profile.
A current, useful profile makes it easier to meet people once you activate your membership and helps people recognize you at events.
Learn how to build a better profile.
Why does FoE require photos?
We want to reasonably understand who is behind the profile. For couples, both partners should be represented. For multi-partner profiles, everyone using the profile should be represented.
Current photos also help other FoE members recognize the people they are actually meeting.
Face photos are not required. We understand the need for discretion. Your photos simply need to reasonably represent the person or people described in the profile.
Current photos also help other FoE members recognize the people they are actually meeting.
Face photos are not required. We understand the need for discretion. Your photos simply need to reasonably represent the person or people described in the profile.
Why was my profile not approved?
Profiles may be declined when required information is missing, photos do not clearly represent the person or people using the account, the registration appears inconsistent with FoE profile policies, or FoE cannot reasonably determine who is behind the profile.
Being declined does not always mean you cannot participate in FoE. Sometimes we simply need more information.
Review the registration requirements and contact us if you believe we misunderstood your profile.
Being declined does not always mean you cannot participate in FoE. Sometimes we simply need more information.
Review the registration requirements and contact us if you believe we misunderstood your profile.
What does FoE Membership include?
An active Friends of Ellis Membership unlocks the private side of FoE. That includes:
• Browsing FoE member profiles
• Private messaging and member connections
• The FoE member Newsfeed
• Private and Passkey photo features
• Access to the private FoE Discord community
• FoE member benefits, discounts, resources, and other perks
• Access to purchase tickets for Friends of Ellis events
View FoE Membership options.
• Browsing FoE member profiles
• Private messaging and member connections
• The FoE member Newsfeed
• Private and Passkey photo features
• Access to the private FoE Discord community
• FoE member benefits, discounts, resources, and other perks
• Access to purchase tickets for Friends of Ellis events
View FoE Membership options.
Do I need an FoE Membership to attend events?
Yes.
All Friends of Ellis events require an active FoE Membership. You need an active membership before purchasing and attending an FoE event.
You are still welcome to browse public event information before becoming a member so you can decide whether FoE looks like a community you want to experience.
All Friends of Ellis events require an active FoE Membership. You need an active membership before purchasing and attending an FoE event.
You are still welcome to browse public event information before becoming a member so you can decide whether FoE looks like a community you want to experience.
Are event tickets included with membership?
No.
Membership and event tickets are separate.
Your FoE Membership gives you access to the private community and makes you eligible to purchase FoE event tickets. Admission to individual events is purchased separately.
Membership and event tickets are separate.
Your FoE Membership gives you access to the private community and makes you eligible to purchase FoE event tickets. Admission to individual events is purchased separately.
Can single women join?
Yes.
Single women are welcome in the Friends of Ellis community subject to the same profile, membership, conduct, and event expectations as everyone else.
Single women are welcome in the Friends of Ellis community subject to the same profile, membership, conduct, and event expectations as everyone else.
What about single men?
Friends of Ellis is primarily built around couples and single women, but a limited number of single men may be accepted by invitation only.
Single Male access requires FoE's separate vetting and approval process. Approval is not automatic and may be revoked if conduct or community feedback creates concerns.
Approved Single Males use the ticket type instructed by FoE when attending events. Do not create a couple profile or another profile type in an attempt to bypass the Single Male approval process.
If you are a single man interested in FoE, contact us and we can let you know whether the vetting process is currently available.
Single Male access requires FoE's separate vetting and approval process. Approval is not automatic and may be revoked if conduct or community feedback creates concerns.
Approved Single Males use the ticket type instructed by FoE when attending events. Do not create a couple profile or another profile type in an attempt to bypass the Single Male approval process.
If you are a single man interested in FoE, contact us and we can let you know whether the vetting process is currently available.
What if my membership expires?
Your FoE profile remains.
You will lose access to paid member features such as member profiles, messaging, the Newsfeed, Discord, and event purchasing until your membership becomes active again.
You do not need to create a new FoE profile simply because your membership expired.
You will lose access to paid member features such as member profiles, messaging, the Newsfeed, Discord, and event purchasing until your membership becomes active again.
You do not need to create a new FoE profile simply because your membership expired.
EVENTS
Do I have to have sex at an FoE event?
Absolutely not.
Buying a ticket or attending a Lifestyle event does not create any obligation to flirt, play, or have sex.
You can socialize, dance, meet people, watch the room, enjoy your partner, and go home together.
Start with Swingers 101.
Buying a ticket or attending a Lifestyle event does not create any obligation to flirt, play, or have sex.
You can socialize, dance, meet people, watch the room, enjoy your partner, and go home together.
Start with Swingers 101.
What's the difference between a Meet & Greet and Nightclub?
They are separate experiences.
A Meet & Greet is social-first and designed around meeting people, talking, flirting, and building connections.
Nightclub is a party environment with music, dancing, a sexier atmosphere, and a much higher-energy feel.
You do not have to attend both.
A Meet & Greet is social-first and designed around meeting people, talking, flirting, and building connections.
Nightclub is a party environment with music, dancing, a sexier atmosphere, and a much higher-energy feel.
You do not have to attend both.
What is a Hotel Takeover?
A Hotel Takeover is one of FoE's largest event experiences. FoE takes over designated hotel spaces for a weekend and many attendees stay onsite.
Takeovers combine social events, themed parties, music, activities, private spaces, and much more time for the community to connect.
Explore FoE Takeovers.
Takeovers combine social events, themed parties, music, activities, private spaces, and much more time for the community to connect.
Explore FoE Takeovers.
What happens at an FoE Campout?
Campouts combine camping, socializing, games, food, activities, campfires, music, and adult Lifestyle interaction over a longer weekend.
Each Campout has its own schedule, amenities, rules, and event information, so always read the individual event listing before arriving.
Explore FoE Campouts.
Each Campout has its own schedule, amenities, rules, and event information, so always read the individual event listing before arriving.
Explore FoE Campouts.
What should we wear?
Start with the individual event description. Themes, venues, and expectations vary.
In general, dress like you're going somewhere you hope to meet attractive new people. Sexy is welcome. Comfortable enough to actually enjoy yourself is better.
Swingers 102 covers preparing for your first event.
In general, dress like you're going somewhere you hope to meet attractive new people. Sexy is welcome. Comfortable enough to actually enjoy yourself is better.
Swingers 102 covers preparing for your first event.
Can we come just to watch?
You are welcome to attend without planning to play.
If an event includes designated adult or play areas, the rules for observing depend on that specific venue and space.
Watching never gives permission to join an encounter.
If an event includes designated adult or play areas, the rules for observing depend on that specific venue and space.
Watching never gives permission to join an encounter.
Where are FoE events held?
FoE uses different venues depending on the event.
For privacy and discretion, exact addresses or private location details may only be provided to registered attendees after ticket purchase.
Always check the individual event listing for the information available before purchasing.
For privacy and discretion, exact addresses or private location details may only be provided to registered attendees after ticket purchase.
Always check the individual event listing for the information available before purchasing.
CONSENT & CONDUCT
If we've played with someone before, can we touch them without asking?
No.
Past consent is not current consent. Someone kissing, playing, or having sex with you previously does not create permanent permission to touch them later.
Read the Rules & Community Standards.
Past consent is not current consent. Someone kissing, playing, or having sex with you previously does not create permanent permission to touch them later.
Read the Rules & Community Standards.
What does Red / Yellow / Green mean?
It's a simple communication system often used during kink or intense play.
Green means continue.
Yellow means slow down or check in.
Red means stop.
Safewords are helpful, but they are not required for someone to withdraw consent. "No," "stop," "wait," or another clear withdrawal must still be respected.
Green means continue.
Yellow means slow down or check in.
Red means stop.
Safewords are helpful, but they are not required for someone to withdraw consent. "No," "stop," "wait," or another clear withdrawal must still be respected.
What if someone tells me no?
Accept it.
Do not argue, negotiate, ask repeatedly, or demand an explanation.
A simple "No worries" and moving on is usually all that is needed.
Do not argue, negotiate, ask repeatedly, or demand an explanation.
A simple "No worries" and moving on is usually all that is needed.
What if someone's behavior makes me uncomfortable?
Tell FoE.
If you're at an event and something needs immediate attention, find an FoE admin, host, or staff member as soon as reasonably possible.
If the concern comes up later, contact FoE by email or through the business phone line. Early reports are encouraged because they give us the best opportunity to understand what happened and respond appropriately.
FoE takes concerns seriously, reviews the information available, and determines the appropriate response based on the circumstances.
See Reporting Concerns in the Rules & Community Standards.
If you're at an event and something needs immediate attention, find an FoE admin, host, or staff member as soon as reasonably possible.
If the concern comes up later, contact FoE by email or through the business phone line. Early reports are encouraged because they give us the best opportunity to understand what happened and respond appropriately.
FoE takes concerns seriously, reviews the information available, and determines the appropriate response based on the circumstances.
See Reporting Concerns in the Rules & Community Standards.
PRIVACY & PHONES
Can I take pictures at FoE events?
Phone and photography rules can vary by venue and event.
What does not vary: never photograph or record another attendee without permission.
Be aware of people appearing in the background of your photos as well.
What does not vary: never photograph or record another attendee without permission.
Be aware of people appearing in the background of your photos as well.
Can I tell friends who I saw at an FoE event?
You should not expose another person's Lifestyle participation without their permission.
Talk about the what, not the who. Tell your own stories while protecting the identities and private information of the other people involved.
Talk about the what, not the who. Tell your own stories while protecting the identities and private information of the other people involved.
Does FoE share member information?
FoE does not provide another member's private contact information simply because someone asks for it.
If you want someone's contact information, ask that person directly.
If you want someone's contact information, ask that person directly.
ALCOHOL, DRUGS & SAFETY
Can I drink at FoE events?
Alcohol availability depends on the venue.
Where alcohol is permitted, stay coherent enough to communicate clearly, make decisions, and respect the decisions of others.
If you are too impaired to clearly consent, you are too impaired to participate in sexual or kink activity.
Where alcohol is permitted, stay coherent enough to communicate clearly, make decisions, and respect the decisions of others.
If you are too impaired to clearly consent, you are too impaired to participate in sexual or kink activity.
Are drugs allowed?
Illegal drugs are prohibited at Friends of Ellis events. Venue rules and applicable law also apply.
Can I bring a firearm or other weapon?
No.
Leave weapons at home. Sex, alcohol, intense emotions, and weapons are a combination FoE does not need.
Leave weapons at home. Sex, alcohol, intense emotions, and weapons are a combination FoE does not need.
LIFESTYLE QUESTIONS
What's the difference between swinging and BDSM?
They overlap, but they are not the same thing.
Swinging generally centers on consensual sexual or erotic experiences involving other people outside an established relationship.
BDSM centers on kink, power exchange, bondage, dominance, submission, impact play, and other negotiated activities or dynamics.
Someone can be a swinger without being kinky, kinky without being a swinger, or happily involved in both.
Swinging generally centers on consensual sexual or erotic experiences involving other people outside an established relationship.
BDSM centers on kink, power exchange, bondage, dominance, submission, impact play, and other negotiated activities or dynamics.
Someone can be a swinger without being kinky, kinky without being a swinger, or happily involved in both.
What's the difference between swinging, open relationships and polyamory?
All may fall under consensual non-monogamy, but they emphasize different relationship structures.
Swinging usually emphasizes sexual or erotic exploration. Open relationships vary widely and may allow different outside connections. Polyamory generally includes the possibility of multiple romantic or emotionally intimate relationships.
Swingers 101 explains this in more detail.
Swinging usually emphasizes sexual or erotic exploration. Open relationships vary widely and may allow different outside connections. Polyamory generally includes the possibility of multiple romantic or emotionally intimate relationships.
Swingers 101 explains this in more detail.
We're curious but not sure we're ready. What should we do?
Learn first.
Talk with each other. Read. Explore the public FoE resources. Create a free profile when you're comfortable doing that.
When you're ready to meet the community in person, activate your FoE Membership, choose an event, and come say hello.
You do not need to decide today how far you might eventually explore.
Start with Swingers 101.
Talk with each other. Read. Explore the public FoE resources. Create a free profile when you're comfortable doing that.
When you're ready to meet the community in person, activate your FoE Membership, choose an event, and come say hello.
You do not need to decide today how far you might eventually explore.
Start with Swingers 101.
COMMUNITY & DISCORD
What is the FoE Discord?
Discord is where FoE members can chat between events, ask questions, talk about upcoming plans, make friends, and get to know each other.
The FoE Discord is a benefit of active FoE Membership. It uses a separate, free Discord account.
Learn how to join the FoE Discord.
The FoE Discord is a benefit of active FoE Membership. It uses a separate, free Discord account.
Learn how to join the FoE Discord.
Why do I need my FoE profile name in my Discord display name?
Because FoE periodically checks that people in the Discord server still have an active FoE Membership.
Your Discord server profile name needs to include your FoE profile name so admins can match the two accounts.
If we cannot determine which FoE profile belongs to a Discord account, that account may be removed.
Your Discord server profile name needs to include your FoE profile name so admins can match the two accounts.
If we cannot determine which FoE profile belongs to a Discord account, that account may be removed.
What does a green Discord name mean?
A green name means an FoE admin has met you in person.
It simply lets the community know that someone from the FoE team has personally met the person or people behind that profile.
It is not automatic, and you do not need a green name to remain in Discord.
It simply lets the community know that someone from the FoE team has personally met the person or people behind that profile.
It is not automatic, and you do not need a green name to remain in Discord.
Is FoE only about events?
No.
Events are a major part of FoE, but the community continues between them through profiles, messages, the Newsfeed, Discord, education, member resources, and the friendships that grow over time.
Learn more about the FoE community.
Events are a major part of FoE, but the community continues between them through profiles, messages, the Newsfeed, Discord, education, member resources, and the friendships that grow over time.
Learn more about the FoE community.
Still can't find the answer?
That's okay. We'd rather you ask than guess.
If your question is about a specific event, check the event description first. It may contain venue-specific information that does not apply everywhere else.
If you're still stuck, reach out.
If your question is about a specific event, check the event description first. It may contain venue-specific information that does not apply everywhere else.
If you're still stuck, reach out.
